M. Maria Walhout

Amsterdam, NL

co-founder, at7 project space

+31 (0)6 521 216 83

Broedplaats LELY
Schipluidenlaan 12 F
1062 HE Amsterdam NL

all image, text, and video © M. Walhout 2020
kvk number: 59638125
Please clarify to the reader from the outset that in this exercise, any previous understanding as coming forth from metaphorá, that is, transference, the changing of one thing into another (to displace), will not be of use. It must be understood that in this exercise when we speak of the eye, we do not create an idol of the eye that we worship in the stead of our unsayable (x). Rather, all that we can call into being by speaking of said eye is the light now emanating from this eye: light that we have called forth (not created) by our naming of the eye, which in turn we have not created as a placeholder, but as an eye. It must be understood that the eye exists, solely because this is crucial to the understanding that the light which now emanates from it exists, and that to look at ourselves we have to now look at this light, not just with it but into it. (…)
Instructions for phósphoros
Cupio dissolvi (Rapture)
Cupio dissolvi (Rapture)

(…) This is the part in the text where I've come to expect an epiphany, a revelation, something euphoric that enraptures the train of thought and brings about 'great shouts and leaps (possibly of a ritual nature)'36, an overcoming of challenges, an encouragement. This is where I've come to expect—almost to want—that a 'man ... perceives a heavenly light, a light that comes from heaven.'37 But what if I am not this man, not a man at all.
If God, the Son, is really the Word, Logos, then, here, in Paul's body, in my own, in my dysphoric silence, He has deserted us. Paul is, I am, at loss38. We stand ‘between two’39, our body, Paul's, mine, ours; naked. If the Word is Verbing, it is sighing, groaning, wanting, lacking—words that have us stand outside language. (…)
All these dwellings are temporary
[violently oscillating]
[violently oscillating]

Sorry, Nothing is Everything
Cupio dissolvi (Rapture)
Cupio dissolvi (Rapture)
Extend. Limn
Extend. Limn
June 2016
June 2016 (pp.70-71)
I would like to say
I would like to say (part 2)
- Gray, Kyle (2014). Angel prayers. Oracle cards. London: Hay House. ‘Transformation. Archangel Zadkiel’, ‘Clear your vibes. Archangel Metatron’, and closed deck. Illustrations: Jason Mccreadie
- Freke, Timothy & Gandy, Peter (2007). Jezus en de verloren godin. De geheime leringen van de oorspronkelijke christenen. Trans. F. van Graften. Nieuwerkerk aan de IJssel: Milinda. p.235
- De Ruyter-Bouland, Denise (ed.) (1979). Liefde en sexualiteit. Rotterdam: Lekturama. pp.209-210. Illustration: Patricia Ludlow
- Van Gennep, Arnold (1960 [1909]). The rites of passage. Trans. Monika B. Vizedom and Gabrielle L. Caffee. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. pp.112-113 (original and A4 photocopy)
- Clare, Anthony (2002). De overbodige man. Mannelijkheid in crisis. Trans. Ria Loohuizen. Amsterdam: Werelbibliotheek. Front cover. Design: Volken Beck
- Weinreb, Friedrich (1974). Ik die verborgen ben. Wassenaar: Servire. Front cover. Illustration based on a design of Uriel Birnbaum
- Chomsky, Noam (1979). Language and responsibility. Trans. John Viertel. Sussex: Harvester Press. p.i
- Watts, Alan (1968 [1953]). Myth and ritual in Christianity. Boston: Beacon Press. pp.108-109
- Buber, Martin (1966 [1954]). Godsverduistering. Trans. K.H. Kroon. Utrecht: Bijleveld. Front cover. Design: Tom Raateland
- Connor, Randy P. (1993). Blossom of bone. Reclaiming the connections between homoeroticism and the sacred. New York: HarperCollins. pp.262-263. Photo of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence: Jean-Baptiste Carhaix
- Galland, China (1990). Longing for darkness. Tara and the Black Madonna. A ten-year journey. New York: Penguin Books. Front endpaper and dust-jacket flap
- Eckhart, Meister (2001). Over God wil ik zwijgen. 2: Preken. Trans. C.O. Jellema. Groningen: Historische Uitgeverij. Back cover, dust jacket. Design: Felix Janssens, image: Bruce Nauman (1967)
- Collin, Rodney (1979). Eeuwig leven. Trans. A.P. Meijer-Gerhard. Wassenaar: Mirananda. Front cover. Illustrator uncredited
- Roscoe, Will (1995). Queer spirits. A gay men’s myth book. Boston: Beacon Press. Front cover. Design: Chip Kidd, image: Jerry N. Uelsmann
- (1993). The holy Bible. King James version. Iowa Falls: World Bible Publishers. Front cover
- Leyland, Winston (ed.) (1983). My deep dark pain is love. A collection of Latin American gay fiction. San Fransisco: Gay Sunshine Press. Back cover
Cupio dissolvi (Rapture)
Extend. Missing u
[violently oscillating]
[violently oscillating]